Sing Our Sides

Summary

Sing Our Sides is an inter-group collective songwriting workshop that uses American folk and country style song forms to set up accessible opportunities for members of communities in conflict to write verses about the issues they face. Participants address feelings, positions, interest, and underlying needs related to their conflicts.

In 2019, we have written songs in the context of:

International peacebuilders addressing gender differences;
Teenagers from Iraq (addressing gender socialization and the divide between Kurds and Arabs);
US and international teens discussing homophobia; and,
Men who are in a domestic violence accountability program considering how to manage difficult feelings that can lead to expressions of anger and violence.

This is a fun, as well as serious, way to be creative together and get started talking about issues that divide us. By writing a common song including words from our diverse range of ideas prove that we can collaborate to achieve a and satisfying mutual outcome. Our voices and ideas merge in a common space.

This joint creative activity can lighten up initial interactions, break the political ice, and begin follow up discussions that can help understand underlying perspectives, As well as potentially move towards transforming the dynamics and relationships of long-standing divides and escalating hostilities.

This collective songwriting activity provides the structure to bring up perspectives on the Red-Blue divide -- to sing to each other when we cannot even find ways to sit down and speak directly to each other.

Participants use worksheets with guided instructions for writing each line. These cues describe what each line should be about, such as explaining what is happening in a conflict, what I want to get from the situation, how I feel about the issue, or naming a specific way we could meet mutual needs we hold in common open or ourselves up to some shared transformation. There are also hints for creating rhythm and rhyme patterns that fit the song.

Adults and teens from US and around the world have enjoyed these simple workshops They have felt better afterwards about how they can communicate more effectively about the feelings and issues that lie hidden inside conflicts. Participants leave a songwriting workshop session more hopeful about prospects for change and building peace with past enemies.

Song Formats – Choruses

Each of these choruses goes with a song, providing a basic theme and tune, and rhythmic pattern for participants to write their verses to insert and sing together.

Two Sides of the Story

Chorus:

There are two sides of the story, That’s what my teacher told me
There are two sides of the story, So why just listen to one?
One side tells you I’m all right, and the other side is all wrong
There are two sides of the story, So why just listen to one?

Find a Better Way

Chorus:

We got to make a little time, to put this dividing line behind us
We can learn to talk it out, side by side, not fight or run away
Look inside to understand, what we really need
Listen with an open mind, we can find a better way

This Feeling

Chorus:

This feeling will pass, it will change
May get stronger, go away, come back again
This feeling doesn’t make me a woman or man
I can feel it and release it, and still be who I am

Bridge:

Just because I feel this way and don’t know what it means
I don’t have to hurt someone, neither you nor me
Song Examples:
—Here are two verses of This Feeling written by men in a domestic violence accountability group:
I feel it in my belly and it makes me want to barf
I want to cry or swear or shout, or curl up in the dark
I get an urge to grab or throw, or go punch a hole
Maybe I can stop and breathe, and try to let it go

My throat tightens up, my chest contracts
Not sure if I want to run away or take a nap
Maybe take a walk outside, have a look around
Put my feelings in a poem or a painting or a song
—You can hear the men in two groups sing the song here:

LISTEN TO "THIS FEELING" by DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MEN'S GROUP

Breaking the Ice

This is a brief introductory verse used as an introduction to singing together in public. It can get people to open up, laugh at themselves, and feel a bit more comfortable as they start to sing.

You say: I don’t sing and I ain’t about to start now
If I open my mouth, people might run away.
Maybe if we all sing together
We can have some fun and keep each other safe.

Gender Roles in Iraq

Using TWO SIDES OF THE STORY as a template, Iraqi teenagers wrote about messages they receive about gender socialization and stereotypes that lead to division between men and women in their country:

Girls verse:

Boys and girls in Iraq stand in separate parts
Boys stay strong, girls don’t you talk
Stop the hate, freedom goes to all
We are all human, there’s no super one

Boys verse:

They think they understand men, but they really don’t
Women should raise the children, out the kitchen they don’t go
Women are not given a chance, to have an equal voice
Equality should be achieved, the above is not our thoughts.

The Kurdish - Arab Conflict in Iraq

Building from the chorus of TWO SIDES OF THE STORY as a template, Kurdish and Arab high school students assessed their differences and hopes for peace.

Kurds and Arabs in Iraq think they’re not the same
Kurds think they’re better and Arabs do the same
Kurds and Arabs can live in harmony and ease
So let’s hope that everyone who live in peace
There’s a lot of misunderstanding happening in Iraq
Kurds don’t have the right to speak, communication is what we lack
If we stop and actually tried to talk, our problems will not stack
Let’s just move on and forget the past, have a Big Mac.

Gender Roles Around the World

Working from the classic country format of FIND A BETTER WAY, quoting what mama or daddy think, family voices stand in for competing views about gender roles and misunderstandings across many countries. This was written by an international group of peacebuilders in the CONTACT (Conflict Transformation Across Cultures) program at the School for International Training, representing such countries as Afghanistan, Liberia, and Kazakstan.

Mama says she hopes her girls will be good mothers.
Daddy says I am the king, women are weak, that’s the way God said it should be.
Sister says this rock won’t be here one day, if you’ll just step out of the way.
Brother says he’s gotta find a better way.

Mama says children need mother’s love more than father’s.
Daddy says I know what’s best, I use my brain not my heart, so bring me my beer now.
Sister says the whispering winds twisted my voice away.
Brother says maybe just maybe I can learn something from you.
Mama says wars are fought by children with bad mothers.
Daddy says I need to feel strong, I’m afraid so I control, because I need to belong.
Sister says take these whispering winds and blow this rock to the other side of the land.
Brother says let’s work together every day.

Sometimes mama gotta let daddy love the children.
Maybe daddy needs to know, we all have a common goal.
To be a strong family we all need to be treated equally.♥
Someday sister can just make the sunrise through all the seasons,
N, S, E, W - all hand in hand.
I believe brother will make us see the world, a different place.

Homophobia and Gay Marriage

Writing in the template of FIND A BETTER WAY, US and international teenagers at the Governor’s Institute on Current Issues and Youth Activism, addressed the issue of homophobia. The mother and father have traditional views, while the sister and brother see the potential for change and acceptance of difference.

Mama said she’s scared cause God said men should not lie with each other
Daddy says there ain’t nothing wrong with the way marriage was way back when
Sister maybe we just need to see it from another view
Brother says why can’t we get along just let them be.
Mama says the Bible should be followed
Daddy says he’ll fix a saw, just come with him to church, they’ll make you write
Sister says why I’d be so judgemental, open up your views
Brother says have you ever talk to a gay person? Educate yourself
Mama says the kids aren’t safe kids can’t grow up without their mothers
Daddy says it’s just a matter of time ‘fore he weeds out all the queers within his reach
Sister says we are people saying fighting for a common good, this nothing more
Brother says gay rights are human rights, are we not all people?
But maybe daddy needs to open up that book he beats us with and read a page or two for himself
Someday sister can join and in hand and will find a common goal
I believe brother will lead us home like geese come summertime.

Domestic Violence and Feelings:

The song format about feelings was applied by men in a domestic violence accountability program that is connected to the corrections and probation department. The men spoke about the role of feelings, their need to recognize them, and find ways to not hurt themselves or others based on difficult feelings they may not completely recognize or understand. Impressively, these men, some hardened by years in prison were quite game not only for writing, but for singing the song they had jointly created.

Wednesday group:

My heart starts to race, my head begins to burn.
My fist is firm, I am not feeling any concern.
I need some direction, need a place to turn.
Gotta keep my heart open, it’s time for me to learn.

Tuesday group:

Get red in the face. Feeling like a clown.
Throw somebody down, and get out of town.
Or you could just chill, n’ light up a pound!
Got to let myself breathe or take a walk around